Let’s Bump Dicks and Rub Heads

From The Invisible Hair Suit, another funny cartoon that addresses a particular issue I deal with… hair loss.

Click Graphic or Bump Dicks to Enlarge

Back in 1979, I worked for a construction crew on the Tennessee Tombigbee Waterway. I was working for a carpenter crew who built and removed concrete forms as we were building a dam.

There was this older guy who had been a carpenter for 30+ years (he had these Popeye forearms). With a big turnover of laborers, he had a peculiar way of selecting which gopher he wanted on his crew. First, he never shut up… about anything. If you paid much attention, he would get on your nerves. But, he had a way of culling the bogus ones.

He could take a 15 pound sledge hammer, hold it at the end of the stick (with the head straight up in the air) and would suggest to the newbie that “to be a man” you should be able to rotate the hammer back towards your face and and just using one’s wrist, make the hammer go up and down. (Of course, the momentum would start and everyone would almost hit themselves in the nose)

This guy could do this over and over and barely touch his nose with he hammer. Popeye Forearms.

But he had another test for the newbie and it was even more disarming. He would wait until he and the new guy were alone and he would whisper, “Let’s bump dicks.” Inevitably, the young whipper snapper would say, “I ain’t gay.” And Popeye would retort, “Come on. It ain’t sex, just two guys bumping dicks.”

I saw more people quit due to this than anyone almost hitting themselves in the nose with a sledgehammer.

So in honor of Popeye, “Let’s bump dicks.” (Said in the most non-gay way I can muster)

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4 thoughts on “Let’s Bump Dicks and Rub Heads

  1. Your ‘foreman’ on that job sounds like a great American. Hardworking sob that don’t want to take shit off nobody. I have met several like him and they have left a mark on me as a man. I working as a surveyor, got pretty damn good driving stakes in the ground and bluetopping. I got to where I could take my 12lb hammer and do this exact same thing. I was the crew chief and would never let a rookie have the hammer until he asked. Sometimes it would take weeks on a job to drive as many hubbs and stakes in the ground and we always seemed behind in our work. One day a strapping young ‘boy’ started and right off wanted to prove himself by taking the hammer. He passed the ‘nose’ test but couldn’t hit a stake for anything. So he was holding a 18″ stake down on one knee to better his aim. Before I could warn him (I have done this to myself) he hit the stake perfect but it broke and a sliver of wood pierced the flesh between his thumb and pointer. Had to go to the ER. I have never been asked to ‘bump dicks’ and am glad I haven’t.

  2. Is this what that he-man greeting of two guys coming together in a body bump is? I wondered why it was so popular with straight guys.

    Thanks for the elucidation.

    In my most un-gay way as well,

    S

    • LOL

      May be. But, I learned from him that a person can be disarmed quite quickly by saying just the right amount of weirdness. This guy could tell within that statement if his potential coworker would work out or not. BTW: he generally would catch the hammer as the unsuspecting little twerp (like me at the time) attempted the foolishness.

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