BuelahMan's Revolt

A Redneck's Guide To Reversing The Corptocracy Brainwashing

Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category

Laughter on one’s lips is a sign that the person down deep has a pretty good grasp of life.
~Hugh Sidey

My Hero

Posted by BuelahMan on May 22, 2012

Posted in BuelahWorld, Funny Pic, Humor | Leave a Comment »

It’s Not Good, But Its Tight

Posted by BuelahMan on April 17, 2012


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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in Bad Lip Reading, Humor, Uncategorized | Tagged: | Leave a Comment »

The Executive Arm Of The Invisible Government Has Hoodwinked You

Posted by BuelahMan on April 16, 2012

A friend and fellow blogger (RawDawg Buffalo) has been on a tear over the Trayvon case. This is a brilliant man, but it appears that he has been taken in by the propaganda intent on doing precisely what it did to him… foster and feed the divide of race so that he and his readers will not focus on the true travesty that is tearing the country apart… the rich bastards who are stealing each and every bit of wealth this country has and impoverishing us all and those intent on ruling us as if we are serfs.

This is not to say that race isn’t an issue in this country. But it is to say that the powers that be understand that they direly need a diversion that will take our attention away from them. Barack Obama is using it to garner the black vote again, after having almost lost them. Just goes to prove how gullible they are. But, whites are equally ignorant and ready to fuel the divide and rhetoric that the “other side” easily sways them to follow.

I have to ask: can’t any of you figure out that you are being used?

I am not defending the “Hispanic Jew”, Zimmerman. He very well may have hunted this dude down and shot him outright, for all I know. Or, for all you know, he may have asked this young man what he was doing in his neighborhood and was attacked and then shot him in self-defense. None of us knows for sure, especially that idiot Mike Tyson. Or the Black Panthers (for all I know, this story is BS, too). Or the KKK (that never showed up as reported).

Does this ignorant ole redneck have to tell you (AGAIN) that anything you read or see on the MSM is propaganda? That their entire purpose is to propel the ignorance and further the divide between us? Are you so far gone that you cannot see the true enemy and you have to feed your hatred by spreading the chasm even farther, instead of coming together to fight the real enemy? Did you not see this glaring example that NBC carried out to make you black folk mad at whites?

That link takes you to DC Dave’s blog and he lays out a little ditty that proves the entire thing seems to be a propaganda attack:

How did the shooting death of one person resulting from an altercation of some sort make it out of the local news coverage in Sanford, Florida, to become not just national news, but virtually the biggest national news story going?  It’s certainly a legitimate question, and it’s one we hoped to see answered by the lead story in today’s Washington Post Style section, “How Martin Case became Martin Story,” subtitled “Scant coverage early on sparked PR campaign.” (Online title, “Trayvon Martin story found the media”)

We can stop right there.  We do learn from the article that there was, in fact, a public relations campaign.  “A pivotal, if little-known, figure in the Martin story’s development was Ryan Julison, an Orlando public relations executive who began working with the Martin family at the behest of its attorneys, Benjamin Crump and Natalie Jackson,” says The Post.

What this means, one may presume, is that the Martin family hired a public relations firm to publicize the story.  But was the initial coverage of the story really unduly scant, thereby “sparking” the PR campaign?

Here’s how the body of the Post article starts:

It began as a routine police-blotter item, a journalistic afterthought. On Feb. 26, the Orlando Sentinel’s online edition devoted a few dozen words to the fatal shooting of an unnamed teenager in the nearby town of Sanford. The story also made the late news that night on WOFL the local Fox affiliate.

The Sentinel followed a day later with another brief item, this one noting the young victim’s name and age: Trayvon Martin, 17. The paper said it wasn’t identifying the shooter, a man in his 20s, “because he has not been charged.” The early police accounts of the episode made it seem nothing more than “a fight gone bad,” recalled John Cutter, the Sentinel’s associate editor.

And then…nothing.

Absent a public relations campaign isn’t this about the coverage one would expect in such a case?  The police had examined the matter.  George Zimmerman, the neighborhood watch volunteer, was on his home turf.  The police apparently saw sufficient physical evidence to support his assertion that he shot in self defense, and they filed no charges.

As The Post tells it, it was the Martin parents’ outrage over the lack of a criminal charge that led them to the lawyers and thence to this amazingly effective PR guy.  But was it really the family’s public relations campaign that has vaulted this story into the national news, or has something more sinister been at work?  You can read this Style section article as thoroughly and carefully as possible, and nowhere will you find any mention of the malicious role played by NBC and its editing of the tape of the 911 call that Zimmerman made, which makes Zimmerman out to be a racist.  The Post knows about it because it had this little item on Erik Wemple’s very hard to find blog exactly a week ago:

So, if you understood that, it appears that Trayvon’s family was upset and hired a PR firm to get this some MSM focus. Does that not reek of bullshit to you? It does me.

It is highly possible that you never saw this, one of the very first coverages of this story:

Trayvon was on a 10 day suspension from M-DCPS which has father has just claimed was for being in an unauthorized area, but refused to give more details.
http://www.miamiherald.com/2012/03/22/2708960/trayvon-martin-a-typical-teen.html
attached is the Code of Student Conduct for secondary students
http://ehandbooks.dadeschools.net/policies/90/csc_sec.pdf

Concealed Carry Law in FL in regards to flashing a weapon, and an explanation as to why Martin had no way of knowing that Zimmerman was armed.
Never display a handgun to gain “leverage” in an argument. Threatening someone verbally while possessing a handgun, even licensed, will land you in jail for three years.
http://licgweb.doacs.state.fl.us/weapons/self_defense.html

And the poor bastards never even saw it coming:

NEW YORK—According to a report published Tuesday by the Center for the Study of Goddamn Fucking Shames, 96 percent of the nation’s sorry sons of bitches never even saw it coming. The study found that two-thirds of those surveyed didn’t stand a chance, 21 percent never would’ve thought for a second, and 2 percent were just sitting there minding their own business when all of a sudden, whack, right in the back of the head. “Poor bastards,” head researcher David Childress said. The report also showed that the remaining 4 percent did manage to see it coming, but before they had a chance to do a damn thing about it, it was too late.

h/t BrasscheckTV and The Onion and DCDave and RawDawgBuffalo

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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in Accountability, Responsibility & Answerability, Big Money, BrassCheckTV, Cheats and Scoundrels, DC Dave, Disinformation, RawDawgBuffalo, REAL State of the Union, Society, The Onion, Video | 1 Comment »

Freaky Sex Friday: Damn, Dude, Get A Room, Will Ya?

Posted by BuelahMan on April 13, 2012

 

He looks like such a nice young man with his gun in his hand

 

Santa Fe cop gets his freak on in his squad car

 

A police sergeant in Santa Fe, New Mexico is in a bad situation after a video caught him masturbating while he was on duty. The video has recently been released and it was filmed by the dashboard camera of the officer’s cruiser. The video released to the media does not show the inside of the cruiser but has audio that is quite steamy. The officer in question is Sgt. Mike Eiskant.

 

Click link for video.

 

(And you thought you’d see him yanking a weasel, you freaky freak, you)

h/t ARF and the JDJournal

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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in ARF, Crazies, Freaky Sex Friday, Humor, Odd, Weird and Generally Strange, Uncategorized | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

B’Man’s Marijuana Watch: What It Does For Your Ballgame

Posted by BuelahMan on March 21, 2012

Responsibility: Your Anti-Drug

There’s More Than One Way To Get High


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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in B'Man's Marijuana Watch, Hemp/Cannabis Reform, Humor, RE-Legalization Rationale, Video | 8 Comments »

Dedicated To Dr Doug

Posted by BuelahMan on March 9, 2012

Excuse me.”

LOL

Women…

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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in DrDoug, Humor, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

B’Man’s Sabbath Watch: Poor Hell-Bound Barry

Posted by BuelahMan on March 4, 2012

That imaginary scary place called hell awaits its next POTUS. Sure, as a murderer, liar, glutton, etc, etc, etc (please see 1 Corinthians 6:9-10 to see which one or more fit the bill: “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God?  Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind, Nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners, shall inherit the kingdom of God“), he wouldn’t stand a chance in hell to stay out of it.

Isn’t it weird how all those people are so “offended” by that ad, but they don’t seem to have a problem with the fact that the man has lied about anything and everything he ever said? Its as if they think Barry is Jesus reincarnate, or something.

It doesn’t matter that he has personally dictated to the world that he, himself, has the sole authority to murder anyone he sees fit (and has). It doesn’t matter to them that his offenses include the maiming and murder of many that Jesus called the “lesser of these”.

Nope. Just saying that he can go to hell (when the Bible seems clear that the actions he has taken will surely put him there) is REAL BAD.

And what about that guy who bought the ad? He wants him to “go to hell” because of “socialized medicine” (something Jesus was the Prince of, Himself). I mean, who can argue that Jesus wasn’t for socialized medicine (free medicine, at that)?

Maybe I missed something, but ObamaCare is hardly “socialized medicine”. It is rampantly profit driven and forces people to spend more money than what they actually have on inferior medicine (for who else could ever argue that Jesus’ brand of medicine worked, while what we have here… well, doesn’t).

Man, if I was God, I’d sure as hell send him to hell. But then again, I am not God and the God I know doesn’t have any such place to send people, otherwise He’d be a murderous, torturing maniac fit for His own place of torment. For surely you can’t argue that anyone that would torture a person forever and ever is a monster that deserves having his body burned for all eternity. Isn’t what is good for the goose, also good for the gander, so to speak?

You think I’m wrong?

Listen to this

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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in B'Man's Scar Watch, Barack Obama, Big Religion, BuelahWorld, Christianity, Corruption, Health, Humor, NeoLiberal Criminals, ObamaCare, Politics, Religion, Video | 5 Comments »

If My Anus Could Talk…

Posted by BuelahMan on February 11, 2012

Don’t ask me how I happened upon this (I have some strange friends), but damn I needed the laugh so bad…

Submitted by Butt then again:

If my anus could talk… it would thank posters here for the following home remedy, after narrowly avoiding painful surgery.

For YEARS I’d suffered an olive-sized growth at my anus. It was an ugly not-so-little secret that undermined my self image, as it made its presence known damn near every time I crossed my legs, went running and during lovemaking, as it tended to “dangle.” At the same time, an anal fissure, which the tag seemed to stand guard over like a sentry, would often bleed and swell. Together they made life miserable. So I made an appointment with a proctologist, tho I’ve always been leery of these professionals. After all, what kind of person jumps thru so many hoops in order to have a career looking at aging butt holes? Still, I was hurting, so I made the crucial appointment.

In the presence of his nurse, the proctologist told me to drop my pants and then took some metal probes–reminiscent of dental hygiene tools—and after some excruciating poking and prying, had me to tidy up, and then held a conference. He drew a picture of my ass hole. It featured a huge anal tag—like a sentry (his words)–guarding a fissure—or ragged little tear–in the anal sphincter. He proposed surgically removing the tag and then cutting out an arc-shaped piece of my anal sphincter to get rid of the fissure. The surgery would be painful, I would be laid up for two weeks and there was a 1 to 3 percent chance that my anus would not work properly after the operation. I signed on, out of desperation, as I’d been debilitated off and on for years, and I’m a busy man, who makes his living five ways–writing, publishing, teaching, consulting and real estate.

Fortunately for me—tho not him–the surgeon burned both hands in a grilling accident before my surgery could take place. Too much accelerant, according to his secretary. When she asked if I’d like to reschedule, I told her “I’ll call you,” and started Googling. One thing I learned was that the hemorrhoid surgery I’d signed on for would be the worst pain I’d ever experienced, would be incredibly disruptive of my life—at a busy time–and might leave me with a leaky anus, not to mention a possible addiction to pain meds. Added to this was my newfound distrust of a surgeon who’d used bad judgment operating a grill. I didn’t want him near my privates.

So I started looking for home remedies and came across your website. Here and elsewhere I read that lots of people had removed all sorts of tags from their bodies with thread or dental floss, and so I put it on my list of things to at least attempt.

Late one night when no one else was about, I contrived to loop dental floss around my anal olive. Positioning a boss flashlight to shine into that shadowy nether region, I cocked my right leg up on my lavatory, bent over and, peering round with great effort into my large bathroom mirror, looped a dental floss noose around my tag, and pulled the draw string. Hurt like hell. I’d tied it on crooked, so that the string cut across the middle of my tag, dividing it into two bulges scored by a painful groove in which the dental floss cut.

For weeks afterward, squirming in pain, I kept hoping for it to shrivel, so I could deliver the coup de grace with nose hair scissors or carpet knife or something. I waited in vain. It stayed plump and full. What’s worse, it felt like a constant toothache in my anus. Through trial and error I learned that Neosporin—the kind that contains aspirin–would relieve the pain temporarily. It also seemed to have a healing effect on my anal fissure. Still, the lumps in my tag stayed round and plump. After about two weeks of on and off pain, I decided to cut the string.

No go. It was sunk inside the flesh of my swollen tag. At this moment of discovery, I had serious regrets about trying the home remedy. The only thing that kept me from giving up and throwing myself on the mercy of my doctor—literally bowing before him–was the prospect of complete and abject humiliation. What might he tell friends or family in our close-knit community, where my work in the media had made me well-known?

So, late at night, forming another tiny noose, bending over, slipping it over and pulling tight, I tried again. This time I managed to tie the dental floss snugly around the base and waited several days. Was it my imagination or was the tag shrinking? Maybe I could snip it off entirely before long. Three days before I was supposed to drive 150 miles to the wedding of a beautiful niece—a drive I knew would be excruciating–I went into the bathroom to apply Neosporin-with-aspirin. Imagine my surprise and delight, when the entire anal tag–rogue floss, groove and all–slipped its mooring and adhered to my tissue. Could this be true? I drew the tissue up and looked at my tormentor, nestled there–a tiny shriveled olive, crisscrossed with grooves. It was a bloodless coup in my nether realm. I’d hung the tyrant.

It’s been three months now and I can’t believe I succeeded in thwarting the surgeon, saving my insurance thousands, and improving my self-image. My tag had been there so long that now it feels novel to have a smooth butt crack, and I never feel the tag hanging there during sex, or while running, or when I cross my legs wrong. It’s truly the gift that keeps on giving.

A final note: I don’t know if the antibiotic Neosporin would work for everyone’s anal fissure. Just four days ago I had grave doubts after I felt the old rawness and swollenness return. So I applied Neosporin several times over the period of a couple of days. Voila, the anus healed again. OK, take it for what it’s worth. Anecdotal, but I think I cured myself, and avoided expensive surgery, debility and possible pain med dependency in the duration.

So, to all who posted testimony here:

My wife thanks you, I thank you, and my anus thanks you.

I apologize to my blogging friends who do not appreciate a good fart joke, but this obviously contains more character than a lowly fart joke.

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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in BuelahWorld, Funny Stories, Humor, Uncategorized | 1 Comment »

A Sincere Apology To The Shadowy Puppet Masters

Posted by BuelahMan on February 3, 2012


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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in Corruption, Election Reform, Humor, Politics, Uncategorized | Tagged: | 4 Comments »

I Recommend Rick Santorum’s Fancy Fist Of Joy For Jane Harman’s Patriot Act Woes

Posted by BuelahMan on February 2, 2012

“I’m crazy and I’m right…”

On another note of apparent insanity:

Poor Jane Harman is bothered that her government would illegally wiretap her office as she kowtows for AIPAC and seemingly commits treason (as IF anyone would actually do SOMETHING about that). Her pearls are clutched so tightly, it might choke her.

Poor thang didn’t know they were breaking the law. So, why not recall the law? Why not explain that the law is bogus and works AGAINST Americans (including the treasonous Congressmen). I suspect that when she said this about the NSA’s warrant-less wiretapping when its existence was leaked…

“I believe the program is essential to U.S. national security and that its disclosure has damaged critical intelligence capabilities.”

…she didn’t understand that such a law would also be used to monitor her illegal activities. For just like all citizens in today’s Fascist America, we are all guilty until proven innocent.

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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in 2012 Presidential Election, Bad Lip Reading, BrassCheckTV, Humor, Rick Santorum, Video | Tagged: | 2 Comments »

Dr Doug’s Christmas Present For BuelahGirl Next Year

Posted by BuelahMan on January 12, 2012

Dr Doug shared this with me yesterday and wondered if it might be a good idea that he get this for my daughter for next Christmas. The thought is that we should simply acquiesce to what our handlers tell us is needed to keep us safe and possibly inspire BuelahGirl to have this job as a goal when she grows up.


There were some interesting customers recommendations that helped us decide:

But one of the most interesting items found in the “Customers that viewed this item also viewed” section was this:

Is your first question, “What did the reviews say?” That was my first question and the customers didn’t let me down:

By the way: These ARE real items to be purchased.

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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in BuelahBaby, BuelahFamily & BuelahFriends, BuelahWorld, DrDoug, Funny Pic, Humor | 3 Comments »

Maher Tebow, Please

Posted by BuelahMan on December 30, 2011

You wanna hear something funny… until last week I never even heard of this Tebow dude. Seriously, Dr Doug asked me about him and I had no clue who he was or what he did (found out he plays with a little oblong ball or something). Apparently, he really likes to thank God for his touchdowns (or whatever it is he does with that oblong ball). His actions have sparked many more Tebowing moves around the blogosphere (and I am feeling the need to Tebow a bit, myself, if the truth be known).

So, when Bill Maher, that worthless and unfunny Israeli-firster, zionist shill with his own very unfunny show on HBO, tweeted about Tebow’s moves, it must have caused a stir. Enough for Lionel to feel the need to address it.

Don’t get me wrong… I could care less about Tebowing or when someone prays (I will note that Jesus said to go into your own “closet”, not a stadium with 50,000 people in it). What strikes me about the following video is the truth about Maher and Olbermann. I thank Lionel for saying what is obvious and you will never hear on any MSM:


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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in B'Man's Snarks, Christianity, Humor, Religion, Uncategorized | Tagged: , , , , | 1 Comment »

Merry Christmas and Beware The Fat Man In a Red Suit

Posted by BuelahMan on December 25, 2011

To all of BuelahWorld:

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year! Times are tough and getting tougher, but today I simply want to thank you all for being here to read my rants and allow us to share our little bitch fests with you. My family had a wonderful time last night and I am now awaiting the fat man to arrive to finally squash BuelahGirl’s giddy anticipation.

As much as I bitch, I truly am a lucky man.

Bless you all!

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If for some reason you actually liked this post, click the “Like” button below. If you feel like someone else needs to see this (or you just want to ruin someone’s day), click the Share Button at the bottom of the post and heap this upon some undeserving soul. And as sad as this thought may be, it may be remotely possible that us rednecks here at The Revolt please you enough (or more than likely, you are just a glutton for punishment??), that you feel an overwhelming desire to subscribe via the Email subscription and/or RSS Feed buttons found on the upper right hand corner of this page (may the Lord have mercy on your soul).

All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in B'Man's Snarks, BuelahWorld, cartoons, Funny Pic, Humor, Uncategorized | Tagged: | 4 Comments »

I Once Heard An Anus Speak…

Posted by BuelahMan on December 21, 2011


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All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in B'Man's Snarks, Barack Obama, Humor, Liars, Video | 12 Comments »

Being A “Good Man”: What Does It Get You?

Posted by BuelahMan on November 20, 2011

I was discussing a personal subject with Dr Doug the other day as we worked together. I made mention that irregardless of certain circumstances and issues that have happened to me over the decades, I felt like I was a “good man”. Meaning that I feel like I am moral, fair, seek truth, and attempt to do whatever I can to make this world a better place than when I got here (I am failing miserably, btw). If I tell someone I will do somewthing, I try my damndest to do it.

When I uttered the oath to protect the Constitution: I meant it.

When I made my marriage vows: I meant it.

I believe that most who truly know me, know that I am no liar and perhaps truthful to a fault (this is something that I wasn’t so keen on when I was very young).

Many times I feel that if I had just become “one of them” (the lying liars who will say or do anything to get ahead), I could be worth $Millions.

So, when I read this link, I thought that it describes me in several ways:

High Integrity, Moral Decency Has Cost Idiot Man Millions

CHARLESTON, SC—With its firm grounding in honesty, loyalty to friends, and a strong spirit of generosity, the asinine ethical code of Kevin Premus has cost the 42-year-old idiot millions of dollars over the years, reports confirmed Friday.The moronic small-business owner, whose moral tenets are said to include basic human kindness and always trying to do what’s right, reportedly never cuts any corners and is unwilling to fuck people over, poor habits that have led him into a life of endless mortgage payments, credit card debt, and a relatively small personal net worth.

Worse yet, sources indicated, the dumbshit has no one to blame for being a good person but himself.

“What a complete and utter fool,” Stanford University sociologist Anya Arneson said of the astonishingly stupid man, describing his insistence on providing quality health care for his employees and paying them fair salaries as “just plain dumb.” “It’s as though he’s operating under some kind of intangible but deep-seated conviction that being a fair, decent human being is somehow more valuable than making a quick buck.”

“Who are we dealing with here?” she added. “A complete imbecile, apparently.”

Through ridiculous acts of moral rectitude such as returning found wallets and lending his brother $2,500 for vocational school, the dumb-ass—who by all accounts is a weak-willed individual who treats his business rivals with respect instead of simply crushing them—almost seems to be looking for ways to lose money, sources noted.

Moreover, at every turn, his steady moral compass has reportedly prevented him from ever embracing shady business deals, hiring a crooked accountant to skirt income-tax laws, or taking advantage of numerous moneymaking schemes that could have vaulted him into a higher tax bracket.

According to colleagues, Premus previously worked as a corporate account manager, but his lackluster career floundered as a result of his shortsighted refusal to stab his coworkers in the back, a boneheaded move that cost the retarded dumbfuck several promotions, hundreds of thousands of dollars, and a chance to one day become a partner in the firm.

Estimates indicate the dimwit could have amassed a net worth of $4.8 million dollars by his 40th birthday if he had simply been a cutthroat prick all his life.

“I never got the guy, quite frankly” said former coworker Hal Olson, a morally reprehensible man in every respect whose willingness to play dirty office politics has allowed him to dine at the finest restaurants, afford a vacation home on Martha’s Vineyard, and drive a Mercedes S-class convertible. “He was nice and all, which I appreciated, but how far does something like that really take you?”

“[Company CEO] Charles [Wilkins] actually really liked him, so that’s why I started stealing his work and passing it off as my own,” he added. “Premus could have thrown me under the bus any number of times, but he never did. I just remember thinking, ‘Okay, chump! It’s your funeral.’”

While his efforts to be a responsible citizen, faithful husband, and devoted father have made him look like a drooling moron in the eyes of his peers, Premus himself still doesn’t seem to understand that each day he spends clinging to his scruples, he screws himself over a little bit more.

“My parents always told me to treat others the way you would like to be treated, and that’s what I’ve taught my daughters,” said the idiot, who in one sentence summed up why no one in his entire family will ever live free from financial worry or hardship. “In the end, it’s just the right thing to do.”

h/t The Onion for more truth than laughs on this one.

To slightly change the subject, let me ask you: Is THIS a good man?

Tennessee Rednecks? Does this make you proud, or what?

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Did I rub you the wrong way or stroke you just right? Let me know below in the comments section or Email me at buelahman {AT} g m a i l {DOT} com

If for some reason you actually liked this post, click the “Like” button below. If you feel like someone else needs to see this (or you just want to ruin someone’s day), click the Share Button at the bottom of the post and heap this upon some undeserving soul. And as sad as this thought may be, it may be remotely possible that us rednecks here at The Revolt please you enough (or more than likely, you are just a glutton for punishment??), that you feel an overwhelming desire to subscribe via the Email subscription and/or RSS Feed buttons found on the upper right hand corner of this page (may the Lord have mercy on your soul).

All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

Posted in Society, The Onion, Uncategorized | 3 Comments »

 
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