Freaky Sex Friday: Love At First Sight

He just met her…

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Sex Shop Sicko

A PERVERT has twice broken into a Cairns adult shop and had sex with blow-up dolls before abandoning the vinyl vixens in a nearby lane.

However, police are on his tail, because the thief left his DNA on a doll and possible fingerprints on its face along with three other inflatable dolls and lubricants.

Business owners believe the same culprit is responsible for break-ins and till thefts at the Sapphire Bar on Lake St and three break-ins at the Laneway Adult Shop off Spence St in the past several days.

His method of entry is to smash through walls and squeeze through tight holes.

The owner of the adult shop, who wished to be named only as Vogue, said that in a first unreported break-in at his recently opened shop, the doll-snatcher had stolen five dolls and had sex with one of them.

“He has been taking the dolls out the back and blowing them up and using the dolls and leaving them in the alley,” he said.

What a nasty bastard (and I bet he didn’t even tell her “goodbye”, either)

And that’s my Offbeat Opinion on this Topix.

Freaky Sex Friday: Finger Lickin’ Good???

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Some people just gotta get their kicks in weird ways, I guess. I wonder what it is like to ‘hang out’ at the farm… especially during the winter?

German TV farmer slammed for fingering his chickens

Animal rights organisation PETA has launched an official complaint against German TV farmer Hansi – for sexually abusing chickens!

The 71-year-old contestant on the fourth series of Germany’s hit TV show ‘Bauer sucht Frau’ (‘Farmer wants a Wife’) was seen sexually stimulating his chickens with his finger. In a shocking series finale, he told his chosen partner, blonde Marianne (66) from Hamburg, “this is how they get an orgasm”.

Needless to say she was not impressed:You always hear jokes about what lonely farmers do to their animals… I am disgusted. This is not my world.” Marianne promptly packed her bags and left Hansi alone to tend to his chickens.

Along with many of the record 8.6 million other TV viewers, PETA spokesman Harald Ullmann (52) was not happy: “This behaviour is an offence and is not acceptable.” The agency has now launched an abuse complaint against the farmer.

But Hansi doesn’t see anything wrong with his chicken petting: “I do what the cockerel would usually do, only with my finger. It is like an orgasm for the chicken.”

The gruff farmer, who drinks raw eggs and sugar for breakfast, added: “Hansi is always happy when the chickens are happy.”

His other favourite pastime is walking around his farm in the nude: “Being naked is a beautiful thing.”

Yes, there are nudie pics found here. (h/t Daily Rotten) BTW: He Loves To show off his pecker.

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Freaky Sex Friday: Bush Is Back (And So Am I)

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How many of you are giddily awaiting the news that Bush is back for another show? Here is wishing for all you women to rid yourself of blades, Nair, wax and get ready for teeth to rid yourself of your president:

Bush Is Back … (In Your Pants)

It should probably come as no surprise that the biggest economic crisis since the Great Depression would inspire a little fuzz. Conspicuous spending is out, after all. And maintaining a stripper-worthy wax job ain’t cheap.

“It’s back to shaving in the shower for me,” says Catlin, a brand manager for a Los Angeles fashion label.”

“It’s a fortune to keep a trim bush,” bemoans Meredith, a healthcare marketing executive.”

“But it isn’t just hard times driving this trend. After seeing the shaved beav of nearly every pop tart, after years of porn going mainstream, isn’t the thrill of the bare vage getting a little stale? If not, you know, creepy?”

“I first took a lady Schick to my bikini line sometime during the second term of the Reagan administration. The process guaranteed unpleasantries: razor burn and in-grown hairs, not to mention the constant and necessary repetition. But in time, with increased skill, the invention of the gazillion-blade razor and ladies-only shave gel, I gave the task little thought. Until I moved to New York City, of course, where highlights from a New Jersey mall and a “natural” brow were the sartorial equivalents of hate crime. Eventually, seduced by the city’s indulgent carelessness, I let Sonya and her thick imported Brazilian wax have their way with me. My lady garden — once lush — now lay nearly bare. And for years, that’s how it stayed: a tiny patch of hair, not dissimilar to Hitler’s mustache.

But in recent months, I’ve longed for the fuller landscape of yesteryear. While I’ve become accustomed to some benefits of the Brazilian — it does clear a nice path for action — I’m aching for change. The act itself is invasive. I’m feeling a little rebellious. And, hey, money is tight.

Visiting France SOON!

http://www.time.com/time/world/article/0,8599,1720316,00.html?iid=sphere-inline-sidebar 

                                 More Sex Please, We’re French

Ooh-la-la! According to the new “Study of Sexuality in France,” both the number of partners and diversity of sexual activity has significantly increased in France. What could be more French than sex? More sex, as it turns out — especially if you happen to be a woman. Nearly 40 years after France’s May 1968 revolution spawned the slogan “pleasure without obstruction,” a new study finds that the French of both genders are engaging in more varied and frequent sex than ever before — and both earlier and later into life. Yet perhaps the most significant finding in the report is that French women have been playing serious sexual catch-up with their male counterparts since the last national sex survey in 1992.  According to the new 600-page “Study of Sexuality in France,” commissioned by France’s National Research Agency on AIDS, both the number of partners and diversity of sexual activity has significantly increased in France in the last decade. That’s perhaps not surprising, given how much more sex there is in entertainment, on the internet, and in public discussion. Less expected, however, is how thoroughly French women have closed the gap with men in terms of number of lovers, age of initiation, and variety of acts engaged in. In some measures, women have overtaken men for the first time. Only 3.5% of women aged 18-35 years now say they are sexually abstinent, for example, versus 6.2% for males of the same age. French women are engaging in sex from a younger age and more frequently than before, while 20% of French men aged 18-24 years say they have no interest in sexual or romantic activity whatever.  The study, which surveyed more than 12,000 men and women between the ages of 18 and 69, reports the average age of first sexual intercourse to be 17.2 years for French men, and 17.6 for women — down from nearly 20 years among females in 1996. (Comparable figures in the U.S. show average age for first intercourse as 17.3 years for males and 17.5 for women.) The number of lifetime sexual partners is also on the rise: French women between the ages of 30 and 49 report an average 5.1 amants in their lives (compared to 4 in 1992 and 1.5 in 1970). Men of the same age group give considerably higher numbers — 12.9 partners today — but have changed little over those declared in 1992 (12.6) and 1970 (12.8). Meanwhile, the percentage of people saying they’d had only one sexual partner in their lives has fallen from 43% in 1992 for women to 34% today, compared to 16% among men (down from 18% and 21% in 1970 and 1992 respectively). Fully 90% of women over the age of 50 say they remain sexually active, a big jump from 50% in 1970.

The reason for flagging inhibitions? The study suggests the changes are largely due to increased accessibility to sexual content and the greater ease with which like-minded partners can find one another. The report finds that a staggering two out of every three kids in France has seen a porno film by the age of 11; 10% of women and 13% of men, meanwhile, said they’d use web sites to link up with prospective partners. At younger ages, the percentage of women using the net to arrange dates surpasses that of males.

But all that increased friskiness doesn’t necessarily mean the French are happier and better adjusted in the sack. Nearly 36% of French women say they’ve suffered “frequent or occasion” sexual dysfunction in the past year of their lives, while just over 21% of French men declared the same. That may explain why an estimated 500,000 patients in France visit sex counselors. But the study shows that some enduring French sexual myths are in fact without foundation, particularly the traditional contention of French men that their naturally larger sexual appetites give them grounds to fool around more. French women, it turns out, could make the same argument.

Freaky Sex Friday: Have You Humped a Whale Lately?

Humping a Whale

No, I’m not talking about your fatass husband (hey, I resemble that remark)…

I imagine our military’s endeavor in the Middle East as such a dead, big, non-fulfilling (for either party) stab into stupidity. In our case, we killed the whale on purpose and now are humping the hell out of it.

America’s leadership is officially a bunch of sick, whale necrophiliacs.

Are you rednecks proud yet?