B’Man’s Sabbath Watch: Jesus Christ Is My Nigga

h/t Snippits and Snappits

Check out Noor’s collection this week. Funny.

Follow @BuelahMan

BuelaHuh?

Did I rub you the wrong way or stroke you just right? Let me know below in the comments section or Email me at buelahman {AT} g m a i l {DOT} com

If for some reason you actually liked this post, click the “Like” button below. If you feel like someone else needs to see this (or you just want to ruin someone’s day), click the Share Button at the bottom of the post and heap this upon some undeserving soul. And as sad as this thought may be, it may be remotely possible that us rednecks here at The Revolt please you enough (or more than likely, you are just a glutton for punishment??), that you feel an overwhelming desire to subscribe via the Email subscription and/or RSS Feed buttons found on the upper right hand corner of this page (may the Lord have mercy on your soul).

All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com
Advertisements

B’Man’s Sabbath Watch: Easter Special Redux

Just want to share this: I just received my 1,000,000th hit on this blog. This is our 2,495th post. I started this in Nov of 2007.

Thank You For Putting Up With Us!

My biggest hitter ever was around 7,000 hits. But for some reason, this post from Easter 2009 is getting a lot of views this week. Maybe its the dead bunny picture. Maybe its me calling out Benny Hinn for his inability to heal his comb-over. Or, just maybe it holds some credence with readers.

Nonetheless, I want to share it again for those who never saw it. But before so, let me start with this bucket of bullshit:

Can you imagine any other maniac who could sit there and read a teleprompter speech so full of lies and distortions and STILL Americans swoon when he says such crap? If being a “Christian” means being anything like this monster, sorry, you can keep it.

My wife is in the kitchen early this morning putting little chocolate treats in plastic eggs for our 4 year old, who has already hunted Easter Eggs twice this week (once at pre-school and again yesterday at a local church that invited us to be a part of the festivities).

I don’t enter church buildings very often any more, for a lot of reasons. One of the biggest reasons is that I dislike being a hypocrite, so being a “Easter Sunday” church goer is something that I simply cannot be. Its all or nothing with me and the truth is that I cannot find anything resembling what the Christ taught in any of the churches or from the leadership of those churches. It is essentially mini man-made kingdoms who grab some little tag to use as their pull. As Saul/Paul noted, “What? Is Christ divided?”

Apparently so, into many hundreds, if not thousands, of sects and cults. Divided? Its a confetti at this point.

There were about 25 kids at this event (small church) and they put out over 600 eggs (my 4 year old found 53, which put her in second place to some little punk who had help from his parents)… cheating bastards… (I kid). Now, my daughter has this idea that the Easter bunny is Santa Claus Lite and my wife is stuffing even more chocolate into eggs… wtf?

Anyway, so right before the “egg hunt”, there was this little ole lady who took it upon herself to explain to all these children the significance of the egg hunt and bunnies on this occasion supposedly set up to recognize and celebrate a freaking torture/murder.

“Now this egg represents a new beginning”… “it can be dead or it can be a live chicken”… “When I was a little girl” (tears start falling), “my mother and daddy would take us to church and we would hunt real eggs that were decorated and then we ate them.”

WTF??????

I glanced around, looking at the faces of the kids and it was just like driving on the Natchez Trace at night (more deer in the headlights than you would ever imagine possible).

I could imagine them saying in their head’s, “Will you just shut up and let’s go outside.”

I am not dogging their beliefs, but it was clear that the basic agenda was to recruit BuelahLady and I to attend the church. Somehow, they got wind that we used to be leaders in a Methodist church (I actually was the Music Director and Associate pastor… yeah, whatever). In one of those “God things”, their Music Leader had recently left the church to expand her horizons at another church (they had a really keen choir, as it was told). So, basically, God provided a miracle, if we would just come to their church and take over some responsibilities that God gave us “gifts” to do and that we shouldn’t waste them… blah, blah, blah.

But the kicker was the pastor, who came up to me with this little sly, shit-eating grin and said, “You should come to the Easter service I’m preaching tomorrow. The sermon name is ‘Its time for the church to get nekkid’.” He then laughed and explained that he found this one obscure verse in Mark (but couldn’t remember Chapter, nor verse, which I considered strange after his little story).

He said, “I have never heard anyone preach on this verse”.

I said, “I have some teachings that I could share with you that I bet you never heard before.”

I could hear the buzz in his ears as his mind decided that my sentence was unworthy of attention and started right back where he left off.

Look, anyone can worship or go to church or whatever floats your boat. But, there is not a single religious leader in the world that I consider better than myself, in any way or circumstance. I refuse to put The Pope, Mike Huckabee, or even Mohammad himself on any pedestal, when their very followers are crazy f*ckers who betray the teachings of the ones they claim to represent.

Comb-Over: Heal ThyselfI mean really, if Benny Hinn has all those healing powers, why in the hell doesn’t he fix that comb-over? At the very least, that rug needs to be “slain in the spirit”.

Sorry, that is just the way I am.

So, Happy Easter, but beware of the cute little bunnies. I have a niece who lost the tip of her finger to one of these vile beasts (true story).

However, I would be remiss if I didn’t explain that these creatures do taste wonderful in chocolate…


Follow @BuelahMan

Did I rub you the wrong way or stroke you just right? Let me know below in the comments section or Email me at buelahman {AT} g m a i l {DOT} com

If for some reason you actually liked this post, click the “Like” button below. If you feel like someone else needs to see this (or you just want to ruin someone’s day), click the Share Button at the bottom of the post and heap this upon some undeserving soul. And as sad as this thought may be, it may be remotely possible that us rednecks here at The Revolt please you enough (or more than likely, you are just a glutton for punishment??), that you feel an overwhelming desire to subscribe via the Email subscription and/or RSS Feed buttons found on the upper right hand corner of this page (may the Lord have mercy on your soul).

All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

B’Man’s Sabbath Watch: Will This Be My Fellow Redneck Bible-Belters Christmas Celebration Song Next Year?

Jesus Is A Bastard: A Jewish Christmas Song

A Jewish celebration of Christmas. “Jesus is a bastard”,, Jews celebrate the festival of birth. “Jesus is a bastard”

I have had just a few interactions with Jewish people. I never really thought much about their religion, except in my Old Testament studies. It wasn’t until the interactions with them, did I start paying close attention (not so much to their religion, but to their attitude and behavior towards me, a white gentile “Goyim”). I know many Bible-Belters that have visited Israel and support what that “Jewish Nation” (their words, not mine) does. And I just don’t get it.

But it started becoming a bit clearer when I drove my Mother to Birmingham for surgery this week. The discussion turned to the Bible (as it always does with her). She thinks she understands everything about the Bible, yet when I point out a few disturbing Scriptures, she denies them outright and tells me that they aren’t in the book. For you see, I find it impossible to agree that the God of the Torah is the same one that Jesus spoke of. It just doesn’t make sense and that is the problem I have with my Mother “witnessing” to people (it’s the same problem I have with most of Christianity that has embraced that monster).

When I mentioned that the God of the Torah told many people to invade, murder, pillage and RAPE, she didn’t have an argument over the invasions, murders and pillaging, but she had a big problem with the rape. She outright denied that it ever happened and told me I would have to give her some verses to prove it.

To be honest, I ignored the request until she called me the next day to bring it back up, so I listed a few from the first few books of the OT:

Exodus 21:7-11

Numbers 31:7-18

Deuteronomy 20:10-14

Deuteronomy 21:10-14

Deuteronomy 22:23-29

Judges 21:10-24

2 Samuel 12:11-14

Not to belabor the point, but that God made his people invade and murder in many other places and held a very certain bias/preference towards Jews (which is convenient for them). That god, who my mother insists is the same yesterday and today, apparently hated her kind (a gentile), but somehow did change and he loves her today. He apparently called his people (according to the Jews) their “Chosen Ones” and because of that, we need to give them some special attention and disregard their actions (or ignore them).

I tried to explain to her that she was celebrating the “Jew Bible” and that if she simply concentrated on the red letters, she might realize that there is a vast difference between the two personae illustrated. I also explained that the Torah is the “tame bible” when you compare it to their real guidance, the Talmud (which is the most vile piece of literature one could ever read). This set of books is their holiest book and takes precedence over the Torah (and they must laugh at us because most of us will never understand this). Just a few examples of these “scriptures” are enough to convince any self-respecting “Christian” that they are the low-life in the mind of a Jew… only good as slaves and to be taken for anything they can get from us.

This disgusting book supposedly gives Jews the right to cheat, to steal, to rob, to lie and to kill Gentiles (that’s you, Mr and Mrs redneck). It tells Jews that they are superior to Goyim (that’s you, Mr and Mrs Redneck). It brainwashes them into believing that your children are animals and that your Gentile daughter is but “filth”. It makes the song above acceptable to them because it calls Jesus’ mother a whore and makes fun of Jesus dying. But not only that, it desecrates Jesus in unimaginable ways. See here. Maybe I should point out that our American leaders constantly embrace and kowtow to those Lubavitch maniacs who shares that garbage at that site. They infiltrate our government and basically have not only been instrumental in pushing for all these illegal and immoral wars, but also all the recent liberty dissolving laws enacted.

It is also important to note that altho most Jews won’t willingly and openly admit that they killed Jesus, the Lubavitchs are proud of it.

But the depravity is even worse in many ways. They can marry a three-year old. They can have sex with a little girl 9 years old and to do so is “nothing”.

The entire set of books is disgusting and vile. You can read more about it here.

I never really paid much attention, because they won’t pull that crap down here in my neck of the woods (its only been online that I have seen their lies and superiority complex shine through). I have been very hard on some visitors here (and actually banned one) because I do not endorse racism in any form, even tho I have known what it is like to BE a racist in my life (towards blacks, however). I fell into that brainwashing due to my family’s racist roots and upbringing and it has taken many years to break it. And the only way was to educate myself and actively commit myself to stopping it.

Those who know me now understand that I have “repented” from that behavior and have seen the error of my ways and my family’s ways.

So, when I suggest that Jews think very highly of themselves, to a point that they believe that they ARE superior and are “God’s Chosen”, and moreso to the fact that they have been able to infiltrate out government, our media and many of the controlling corporations in America, this does not come lightly from me. Because I can recognize that I am not “superior” to blacks (or anyone else), I too, see that the Jews who, via their own brainwashing and education, who believe they are “superior” to me or anyone else is just full of shit.

But stopping there is not enough. I need to understand WHY they feel that way. Even with my vast study of the OT (which includes at least part of the Torah), I can’t seem to think that those books, alone, are enough to brainwash them. I knew there must be more. And that “more” comes in the form of the Talmud, which is an evil and disgusting bunch of malarky that makes the Torah pale in comparison. Yeah, the Jewish Infiltrators that occasionally come here, will call me anti-Semite (unless, like Kelso’sNuts, who once wrote here) will claim I am not anti-Semite, then change his mind when I don’t do things precisely the way he thinks I should and asks me to take down the disclaimer he urged me to post on the wall of this blog a while back.

I saw the truth of his self-superiority and I called him on it. I saw it go rampant in his little Ron Paul group, which as I understand it has basically been abandoned, or at least the thinkers within that group left it.

Dr Doug has shared stories about the few Jews he knows (he says he knows one cool one).

It has come to the point that whatever few decent Jews are out there need to stand up and let these other freaks know that they are going to cause much harm for themselves. People are not going to sit idly by and the fact is that eventually, that fake superiority will be shown for the lie it is.

This brings me to a point: I am a seeker of truth, no matter where it leads. I am not afraid to find out that I am wrong or that my education brainwashing is not true. On the contrary, I desire that any of those false issues within me be shown me. One can call me anti-Semite, but I know that to be a bunch of Jewish self-reflected bullshit. They can call me a racist, but again, bullshit. Even a non-Jew that frequents here had the same knee-jerk reaction to a post that was more about calling out Zionism by me adding a video of a small guy beating down a Behemoth. She said her friends on a Facebook page that read here took offense and the ensuing discussion is worth a quick read. I address this subject fairly often… here is a good example, so there shouldn’t be any surprises.

I was able to sum up the conversation/interaction here after reading my friend’s, John Friend’s post which asks the question:

Am I wrong in saying that organized Jewry are the primary instigators and benefactors of both WWI/WWII and the current War on Terror? Given the facts laid out above, is it anti-Semitic, racist, or prejudice to come to that conclusion?  How much longer can we afford to cower in silence while these criminals destroy this planet?

My response was:

No, its not wrong to accuse the Jews of what has been done in their names. As my latest bitch session from the knee-jerk reactionaries at my place have shown, they refuse to acknowledge the truth.

I have said many times that they (the secular Jews) better call the maniacs out before its too late. And I use the word “Jews” lightly, since most of them are not, but simply claim the mantle for their ill-gotten gain and murderous intentions.

And whenever someone calls me an anti-Semite, I respond that they should ACTUALLY be a Semite to make that accusation. Those European Khazars are certainly not Jews, much less Semitic.

I also warn them to either be Jew in religion or race, but a European Khazar is certainly not the same race as the original inhabitants of Palestine. They look nothing like them.

And if they choose being “Jewish” as a religion, then they better understand that the Talmud is the most vile piece of shit book that was ever written and to understand what it means and how it brainwashes them if they claim to be atheist.

I was recently told that secular Jews don’t know anything about the Torah or Talmud. Its a crying shame that this dumb ole redneck knows more about their own Holy books than they do.

The further down the rabbit hole in my education of this subject I go, the more I realize how much control (and how much I never really understood) they have. But be not afraid, my fellow Rednecks. You can learn the truth, yourself, and be a better person for it.

The Jewish Messiah

Start with that Talmud information link above (or even the Lubavitch site, which brags about the superiority) and see where they get the crazy idea of their superiority. Take that to heart and realize that you, too, may have something similar inside you that needs illumination and cleansing. For another fine reference to their superiority, you can read the post by Greg at the Goon Squad, which quotes some of their leaders monsters that are revered in that religion:

 

“Wars are the Jews harvest, for with them we wipe out the Christians and get control of their gold. We have already killed 100 million of them, and the end is not yet.” (Chief Rabbi in France, in 1859, Rabbi Reichorn.)

Source

“Some call it Marxism I call it Judaism.” —(The American Bulletin, Rabbi S. Wise, May 5, 1935).

From the “Quotes by Rabbis” site.

I plan to share much more about this in the future, as I go forward. And believe me, this rabbit hole changes everything about what I think of history.

Follow @BuelahMan

Did I rub you the wrong way or stroke you just right? Let me know below in the comments section or Email me at buelahman {AT} g m a i l {DOT} com

If for some reason you actually liked this post, click the “Like” button below. If you feel like someone else needs to see this (or you just want to ruin someone’s day), click the Share Button at the bottom of the post and heap this upon some undeserving soul. And as sad as this thought may be, it may be remotely possible that us rednecks here at The Revolt please you enough (or more than likely, you are just a glutton for punishment??), that you feel an overwhelming desire to subscribe via the Email subscription and/or RSS Feed buttons found on the upper right hand corner of this page (may the Lord have mercy on your soul).

All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

God’s Control Alt Delete


Follow @BuelahMan

Did I rub you the wrong way or stroke you just right? Let me know below in the comments section or Email me at buelahman {AT} g m a i l {DOT} com

If for some reason you actually liked this post, click the “Like” button below. If you feel like someone else needs to see this (or you just want to ruin someone’s day), click the Share Button at the bottom of the post and heap this upon some undeserving soul. And as sad as this thought may be, it may be remotely possible that us rednecks here at The Revolt please you enough (or more than likely, you are just a glutton for punishment??), that you feel an overwhelming desire to subscribe via the Email subscription and/or RSS Feed buttons found on the upper right hand corner of this page (may the Lord have mercy on your soul).

All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

B’Man’s Sabbath Watch: The Ineffectual Jesus of Christendom

I grew up in a secular home with little adherence to religious dictates. Don’t get me wrong, basically the family was good and moral (of course, we all have our little foibles). My family were holiday church goers, by and large (except for a time that the church as used as a baby sitter for us). Many times, my sister and I would go to church while the parents did whatever parents do while the church baby sits their kids.

After I was grown, my mother became the ultra-Christian that virtually any sane person tries to stay far away from. Hypocrisy rules (and that is what bothers me the most; growing up with a person who now chastises others for doing the very same damned thing she did). “It’s under the blood”, we are told, so no one is allowed to examine the very issues that she judges everyone else about.

You see, those of us who “live holy and righteous lives” (yes, she told me that God showed her that she was actually accomplishing that) can forget the sins we conducted and are allowed to point out the sins of another.

This brings me to what I want to discuss: being a Christian and how Christians have made Christ ineffective and a laughing stock.

I told my mother around 10 years ago that if being a Christian means being like her, I will NOT be one.

You see, what has happened is that the Christian church-world has morphed into something that hardly resembles the Christ in any form or fashion. Actually, what Christendom has become is Judaism- lite. I mean, how many times does one have to hear the convoluted wording, “Judeo-Christian beliefs” to understand that Christianity has been hijacked by the religion of the devils.

I want to get this clear as possible: I am no Jew. I do not adhere to Judaism in any form. And IF anyone believes that I should embrace Judaism into a Christian belief, then I’ll tell you what I told my mother: if being a Judeo-Christian means being like you, then I will NOT be one.

I have been ostracized from churches. Seriously. I had a preacher who insisted he was my friend, confidant and mentor tell me that I need to leave the church after I had a word or two with his wife about what I should teach from the pulpit (she handed me a book of Wesley sermons and suggested that I preach from that book). I simply said I would rather use the Bible and thought nothing else of it.

Within a week, the preacher’s wife was livid (I suppose that an underling would show just a smattering of disrespect) and the preacher called a special meeting, which included the District Superintendent Preacherman (his boss). I was accused of many things and could see right away that I was being set up and that they wanted me out. Fortunately, the requirements in the Methodist church are for lay people (board members, elders, deacons, etc) to attend such meetings. I had several people come to my defense and basically shut the two fools down. We had a choir meeting that evening (I was choir director and assistant pastor) and several of the people suggested that the church vote to remove itself from the Methodist charter (it had been Methodist for almost 150 years). I told them to not do any such thing and that it would be better for me and my family to leave the church.

It was at this point that I truly began to study the Bible (and its original languages) on my own, without the mentor and without a theological preconceived notion. I told myself, “If God wants me to know something, HE can tell me.” Whereas I had been saying, hell, if a preacher man says it on the radio, surely he knows more than I do.

But that takes me to the rub… what I kept finding didn’t resemble what I heard on the radio (or TV or in person). As a matter of fact, what I kept hearing from the PreacherMen was radically different than what I was reading and understanding. I could not understand why this was, since all Bibles tell us the same thing, right?

Wrong.

What The Church World Teaches:

Jesus came to “TRY” and save the world… He did not come to actually accomplish this, just try to. You see, He just gives everyone a chance to go to heaven and it is completely up to you… BUT ONLY if you are lucky enough to realize this (little Muslim children dying from American bombs NEVER get this chance to even “realize” what He is “trying” to do for them). But wait, after you realize that He “tried” to save you (and the rest of the world), THEN you must “confess Him as Lord”… and THEN you better continue to make wise choices, perfectly timed and ok’d by God and then perfectly trust and obey Him until you die (thereby FINALLY receiving your reward of Eternal Life).

The church-world teaches us that Jesus didn’t actually come to seek and to save those who are lost (talking about everyone in the world), but really only came to save a select few (called “The Elect”).

The church-world teaches us to appreciate and “give thanks in all things”, including the “good news” that you are one of “the elect” and that you will not endure never-ending torture and punishment like most of the rest of the world’s inhabitants. You, Mr and Mrs Christian are VERY lucky, doncha know?

What The Church World Portrays Jesus as saying:

I tried to draw you to me, but you wouldn’t listen. I am sorry, you must suffer torment forever.

I love you. But even after I tried to get you to believe in me, you did not believe, so you must burn in hell. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t WANT you to burn in hell forever, but I cannot disobey the father’s laws and commandments. So, be gone, Sinner. I will always love you as you burn mercilessly forever, and ever. Amen.

What happened? You believed in me once, but you back slid and then rejected me. Sorry, the devil has his place of torment ready for you. But I do love you.

You don’t think hell is real? Then, by God, off to hell for you, then, just to see how real it is. This is love in action.

I know you believed when you were a little kid, but that stupid preacher man didn’t completely immerse your leg during your baptism, so, you MUST suffer the torment of hell (next time maybe you should get you a preacher that pays a little more attention). Oops. Did I say “next time”? Heh. But, I love you as your skin is burned from your body for the rest of time.

Gosh, I realize that you did get completely immersed in your baptism, the thing is that you did it in the wrong denomination of the Church. As much as I still love you, you must perpetually burn. That’s the Law.

Some of you did get fully immersed and by the correct branch of Christendom, but the preacher said a couple of words that aren’t acceptable, so, sorry, burn forever, my love. Its not your fault, but the Law is the Law.

I saw you as you ate that cracker and didn’t BELIEVE IT WAS ME while you were doing it. Blasphemy! I am so sorry, my darling, but you must wail and gnash your teeth forever. That’s the Law.

You, you hippie freak, your hair is too long. Gotta burn, boy. Think of all my love as you suffer endlessly.

I give you credit, you did ask forgiveness of almost all your sins. But, dangit, you forgot that one sin of eating fish on the wrong day and didn’t ask me to forgive you. Burn, baby, burn. But I love you.

You didn’t believe the correct from of the trinity. Go burn, and I love you.

You didn’t abide by the Mosaic Law like my “Chosen People” do. I will never love you like I do them, so burn in hell until you become like them. And know that I love you.

You didn’t believe in the “Rapture”, so its time for me to lovingly burn you for eternity.

You didn’t say Hail Mary enough for full forgiveness and you certainly didn’t tell that child-raping cleric all of your sins. So, as much as I love and care for you, you obviously are no material for Heaven. To hell with you.

You didn’t handle the snakes like my lost ardent followers. This means you must suffer the everlasting torments that my loving Father made especially for you.

I was listening and you didn’t speak in tongues one time in your life. It doesn’t matter that you were at church every Sunday for 50 years. You should have just let Jesus take you over and speak his spiritual words thru you. Since you didn’t, that loving fire is going to be hot.

Remember that I love you without condition and I have always loved you unconditionally. BUT, since YOU didn’t figure out and do everything precisely the way my preacher staff told you, fulfilling all the laws and conditions of salvation while you were on Earth, I must turn you over to Satan to burn in hell forever. But don’t be fearful or unhappy about it, my treasured child, I knew this would all happen long before you were born and knew I would be casting you into the tormenting fires of hell long before you were even a thought in your Mamma’s brain.

Isn’t it obvious that I love you?

Follow @BuelahMan

Did I rub you the wrong way or stroke you just right? Let me know below in the comments section or Email me at buelahman {AT} g m a i l {DOT} com

If for some reason you actually liked this post, click the “Like” button below. If you feel like someone else needs to see this (or you just want to ruin someone’s day), click the Share Button at the bottom of the post and heap this upon some undeserving soul. And as sad as this thought may be, it may be remotely possible that us rednecks here at The Revolt please you enough (or more than likely, you are just a glutton for punishment??), that you feel an overwhelming desire to subscribe via the Email subscription and/or RSS Feed buttons found on the upper right hand corner of this page (may the Lord have mercy on your soul).

All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com

May 21, 2011 and I Feel Fine

It’s The End Of The World

I wish I had thought of this:

Eternal Earth-Bound Pets, USA

The next best thing to pet salvation in a Post Rapture World

You’ve committed your life to Jesus. You know you’re saved.  But when the Rapture comes what’s to become of your loving pets who are left behind?   Eternal Earth-Bound Pets takes that burden off your mind.

Seems business must be pretty good, but you better be quick. There is a time line:

IMPORTANT NOTICE 7:10 P.M. (EST) 5/20/11:  CLIENTS WISHING TO CONTRACT FOR OUR SERVICES IN TIME FOR THE 5/21/11 PROPHECY MUST SUBMIT THEIR COMPLETED CONTRACT AND PAYPAL PAYMENT BEFORE NOON (EST) SATURDAY MAY 21.  ALL CONTRACTS REC’D AFTER THAT TIME WILL NOT BE IN EFFECT UNTIL 5/23/11

And, dude, the price is right (altho it causes me to want to consider a price war with them):

Our service is plain and simple; our fee structure is reasonable.
For $135.00 we will guarantee that should the Rapture occur within ten (10) years of receipt of payment, one pet per residence will be saved.  Each additional pet at your residence will be saved for an additional $20.00 fee.   A small price to pay for your peace of mind and the health and safety of your four legged and feathered friends.

OK: just to be sure I just looked and both my wife and daughter are still snoozing… sleeping in today. So, obviously there is no rapture (however, the day IS still young). Maybe I’ll just go party with Suzan and her friends.

And before you argue with me about Mr Camping’s prediction and say that the 21st isn’t over yet, just check to see that his main prediction included that New Zealand would have a horrific earthquake, just to get things off with a bang.

Oops!

I hate when that happens.

(Apparently, it happens pretty often)

Poster in Kendall Square, Cambridge, Massachus...

Image via Wikipedia

Excuse me as I go rapture some turnip greens and onions from my garden.

h/t Failed Empire and Welcome To Pottersville

If you like what you see here at The Revolt, please subscribe via Email subscription or by the RSS Feed button found on the upper right hand corner of this page and/or hit the Share Button at the bottom of the post to share via various means.

All posts are opinions meant to foster comment, reporting, teaching & study under the “fair use doctrine” in Sec. 107 of U.S. Code Title 17. No statement of fact is made or should be implied. Ads appearing on this blog are solely the product of the advertiser and do not necessarily reflect the opinions of BuehlahMan’s Revolt or WordPress.com